I Realised....

Now I Know That There Are No Such Thing As Love.
It Is completely Crap!!
What I See Is Only Money.
Money Is Love.
Money Is The Effort.
Money Is The Starting Of Relationship.
Money Solve Everything In Relationship.

I Hate The Word 'Love'.
Completely CRAP Coming From their mouth.
Is All About Money.
I Dun Used To BELIEVE It.
But I Now Will Believe It.
Completely AGREE About It.
How Much Money U have, Means how Much Love U Got From Them.

I hate To say.
But,
It Really SUCKS!

12 August 2008

Around 1 Week Later, She Send Me A Message.
Saying that She Felt Alone In This World,The Feelings Was Not The Same Anymore.
Even I am Not Her Who Anymore, But I am Still Worried About Her.
I Thought That This Is the Time To Understand Her Better. I asked Her What Happen to Her.
And She said She Cannot Say It Out. I really don't Know What Is She Thinking At All
I tell Her that She Is Not Alone. She Still Have Me by Her Side. No matter Wad Happen I will Not Leave Her. Unless I am Dead, Or Else there Is No way I will Be Leaving Her. I will Be There whenever She Need Someone To Talk To, Or need Someone To Accompany. (Until Now I still Doing It. Its true okay. I won't Break My Promise de.)

After That, I think Back. I told Her before. I can Used Up ALL my Free SMS, Or even My SMS Burst, I will Still Message Her. Because I don't Want Her to Feel Bored.

(Sometimes I wonder Is It True That Using Efforts And A True Heart Will Never ever Let Somebody Feel Touched?? Or I Did Not Do Enough?? Can Somebody Please Tell Me Am I Not Doing enough??)

I remembered I saw Her Blog Few Days Ago, She Assume That I Leave Her Will Feel Much More Happier And Have A Better Life.
NO!!! I Do Not Feel Happy At All LA!!
I Have Been Think Of Her Every Single Day. I controlled Myself Not To SMS Her,Because She Said She Is Happy with Her Life now. I do Not Wan Her To Struck In this Shit Problem I Having.
I don't want Her To Get Unhappy Because Of Me. So I only Read Her Blog Once In awhile. ( As I do Not Have Computer During August)
UntilI read Her Blog On this Day, I realised That She Bluff Me.
She Is Not Happy At All.
She Is Suffering. She Lied Because She Want Me To Have Better Life.
Why Does She Always Think Of others.
This Few Days I can't Even concentrate On the Things I have Been Doing, Like My Pratical. I have Been Thinking Of Her During My Pratical. (Because It got Something To Do with My Dream And Target.)

I Really Miss Her.
But....
There Is Nothing I can Do Anymore.

09 August 2008

Today I read Her Blog. I realised That She Was Sad, Disappointed And Depress. She don't Want To Believe Any Promises Again. She Wasn't Happy At All. But what Can I do?? What Can I do To make Her Feel Happy again??
I Really Want To make Her feel Happy again. I thought Leave Her can Make Her Happy So I did Not Contact Her At all. I really Don't know What Is Her Mind Thinking About. I try To understand Her, But She kept Too Much In Her.
I Really Do not Know Wad To Do.
I am Willing To Sacrifice My Happiness, To Change For Her Happiness.

04 August 2008

I called her Around 30 Times This Morning. She did Not Answered. I message Her, Still Did not Reply.
I keep doing this That Whole Morning. Around Afternoon, She Finally replied.
I Felt very Relieve,But It does not last long.


I ask Her: 'Why did not Reply me?? Do U know how worried Am I?? Did Something Happened to You??
can U tell Me What Happened??'
She replied:'No.. I cannot Tell U,Because U are Not Me. Sound Cruel.. I am Sorry But Some Things
cannot be said... I beg You... Stop loving Me..'
I told Her: 'You ask Me To stop Loving You. So I must Have the Rights To know Why Must I Stop
loving U.'
She replied:'Because I cannot Forget Him'
I replied: 'Just Because Of This. Just because Of This you don't want to Reply Me, Don't answer
my call. Just Because of This You Want Me to Stop Loving You??'
She replied:'Then what?? Then what Can I do to stop U from Loving Me!? I said Before! Those That
are my Boyfriend Will Not Have Happiness!'

My Heart Was COMPLETELY BROKEN!!
Truly Torn Into Pieces. It Will Not Be mend Easily Again.
After All, She Is someone I decided to Give It A Last Shot. But It Still Broke After All.
I really Put In a lot of Effort In Her.She Is the One I Put in the Most Effort de.
But All The Effort, Gone.

I ask Her:'Then Why do You boost My confidence,On waiting for You?'
She said: 'Because I think, I think I am Not Worth the Wait.'
I ask Her:'Did I not done enough?? Does I deserve This??'
She said: 'No. Its My fault.'

I Hate This Sentence. It Hurts GOD DAMN Badly.
Why do Every Girls Say The Same Sentence??
This Sentence, Its The Best Excuse For Them.

I try To turn Back The Situation,But It Wont Work.
She Said That She Is Happy Waiting For Him.
Since She Is Happy With Her Life. No Point Forcing Her To get Struck with Someone Like Me.
After All Not My First Time Liao Ma. Haas.
Since She Is Someone I loved, I must Let her go As Long As She Is Happy With What She Wanted.
Every Promise I made, Cannot Be Kept Anymore.

Although It Is FUCKING Hurt, But It Is Better To hurt Only Myself Than Pulling others to suffer My Pain.
I got To let Her Go.
Don't Struck This Problem With Me. Anyway I think Only I Suffering From This Kind Of Heartache.
I think This Is The Best Way For Her Ba.

3 August 2008

Where have You Gone? I Called Her, I Messaged Her.
But She did not Reply me At all.
I am God Damn worried about Her. Cause She Said that She Was Sick.
I do not Believe In God. But I got To Pray Hard to God, as I cant do anything else. Hoping That She Safe. I Really do not want to Lose Her.
'Please Be Safe.' That is all I can do.(Feel So Useless)



AFTERNOON
I fall asleep. And I dream of Doing A lot Of things For Her.In the dream, I help Her In Entering Some sort Of Competition, Its A competition She wanted To enter In Her Life.
She was Very Touched.
Her Tears Fall.
I then tell her, I will Do anything For Her To make Her Happy.
She Smile.
(Although This Dream Is Kinda Of Stupid,But Is True Ma,So No Choice De)

This Is some sort Of Dream I will never feel Like waking up,But I cant sleep that Long ma.
I Called her Wanting To tell Her About the Dream I Had.
But She did Not Pick up. I called her A lot Of times. Until At Night I fall Asleep.
Hoping To Have Another Dream. :)

1 August 2008

She told Me That during Her Nap,She Dreamt that I Disappeared.
She Was Very Frightened That I Disappear.
So I promise Her That I will Never ever Disappear From Her.Will Never Leave Her.

27 July 2008

Today I Read Her Blog. Everytime She mentioned about 'Him', My Heart Hurts and Aches a lot.
It Hurts When She doesn't want to Give up On Him. It Aches When I See that She Is Sad In Her Blog. I done So much And put in a lot of Effort on Her,So Much, Compared to those I had Loved before.
I Really Love Her A Lot.

24 July 2008

Yeah!! From 10% to 12%. So Happy.
At Least The Effort is There.
Gave Her Pizza Did Increase!!
(Although I did Not Make it all By Myself.)
But I still Very Glad that The Effort I made Wasn't a Waste.

22 July 2008

我真得很不想失去她，所以我打算追求她。她也答应说只有我可以追求她。我很高兴，但我可能要追她四年。她说她不是不喜欢我，可是只有 10%，所以我得把这么少的感觉提升到她确定她喜欢我。虽然很久，这就当作我有多喜欢她，多重视她，也当作我的考验。不知道她会不会被我真诚的心打动。她祝我好运！希望我能够美梦成真！！

21 July 2008

After 5 days,She told Me That She doesn't want To Forget Him.
HearTBroke..
The Fifth Time,She said This.

16 July 2008

After A week Of Conversation,We met.I dunno Why I ask Her To Meet.Maybe Curious How She Look Like In real Life.First Time asking some1 to meet through Games.Come to think of It,like kind 0f stupid.While I was going there,Feel Veri Nervous.Like go 相亲 Like that.(LOL)
I walk Veri Slowly.Dunno Wad To do Once I See Her,wad To Say.Walking Up And Down Thinking 0f this.She Called,So No choice le.Juz Go Up liao lo.Wa!She got lots 0f frens There La.Scary.I walk Int0 A Cd Shop,pretend I dunno anything At All.Veri scare la.But In the end Still Let Her Find Me le.(LOL)The process like So Stupid la.Then We Talk f0r Awhile.And She go Home le.
My First Impression Of Her,Sweet Looking Gal,Some1 Who Studies(She Got A Big Bag,Carries Alot Of Books),A veri Good Gal.These Are The First Impression 0f Her.

05 July 2008

Friday.I when Home.Then Called Her.She Was Sick That Day.Because Of eating chocolate,and she got sick.I laugh at this matter,keep on disturbing Her On the Phone.Cuz Veri Funny.Seldom got ppl eat Chocolate And Got Stomachache de.After Awhile,I stop Disturbing Her le.But Suddenly the conversation Become Kinda 0f Weird.She said that She Have Some1 She Like,but she wan to f0get him.She Said that To forget him Is to like Some1 else,To start a New Relationship.She Ask Me Whether That I Have Some1 I Like?? I told Her No More,Not anymore.She Keep talking about having A New Raltionship,She Say She Is hinting me.Even I know She Is Hinting me,But we didnt even see each other be4,how can she like some1 that did Not even See be4 de?? Got A bad feeling about this,thats wad I feel that time.(LOL)
I dunno wad to Say that time,So try to divert the conversation.But In the end still struck in the conversation.
Suddenly,I asked Her,'Will U fall In Love With Some1 that U didnt See Be4?? And Our age Gap quite big,So my thinking maybe U cant Accept lei.'
She Said that she dun mind to like some1 that she never seen be4.And about the age gap,She Said that Dun Mind.She told Me Something Quite Funny,cuz Its something She discuss with Her Frens de,To me Its Quite Funny.She Said that they were discussing about if A male And A Female Is about the same age Got married,they both might die alomost the same Time,So Next time If they Got child The Child Will be Very Bored,Cuz Both parents Past Away olmost the Same Time.
Cant Believe That gals Got think 0f this kind Of thing Bef0re.Interesting.Haha.She Told Me quite alot Of things that is Quite Interesting.I Understand More About her,And Find Her thinking kind Of Different From Other gals,A veri interesting Gal.

04 July 2008

The message Came In.An unexpected Message,Some1 that didint Contact Me 4 at least 3 weeks.I olso Olmost fog0t this person,Christabel.
She message me,And Ask Me why so long Never Online??
at Day Was A Veri boring Day.It is On Thursday,No plans at All.I Reached home,preparing to bathe,A I say I cant Online As I am staying at my Grandma House.
So We message 4 a While,Then I find It veri troublesome to message,N veri bored to juz msg 0nly.So I called Her.She Answered.Its the First Time I hear Her Voice.Her Voice Sounds kind of sweet,but like Small Girl voice.We talked on phone Only for Awhile.Den She got To go to Do her Homework.Den I Go Out,until at nite.We Message one another when I was Out.Nothing Speacial.

It All Begins...

That Dae I Was HighStreet 5.
I Met a GaL Name Christabel. She juz Started 2 play This Game. So I Guide Her. Althought I am Not Veri pro,But I noe More than her after all. After Few Hours... She said that she Got 2 Go. So I say Bye 2 Her. I recieved A E-Mail,after She was going 2 Log Out. She Thank Me 4 Guiding Her In this Game,and gave me Her Hotmail. I added Her,and I Log Out too.

The Next Dae,She Online.
She told Me That She was Watching Anime. I tell her I also Like Anime. Den We Talk n Talk About Anime. The Whole Nite. Be4 She Left,She Gave Me her Number. I was Shocked! How Can She Gave Some1 her Number,when U Noe Some1 For Only 2 DAES!! Wad If I am not some1 Good?? Didnt She Thinks Before Giving somebody Her Number??

I Ask Her This Question, 'Why did U give me Ur Number?? U only noe me for 2 daes. U dun even noe who am I.'

She Reply, 'I dunno.. Juz Feel That I can Trust U.'

I feel ... She Was the second Person who Trust Me. I Dunno How To Discribe that Feeling. Its Kind Of Warm In the Heart. Should I Say Touched?? This Feeling Warms My Heart. After That dae. We Begin To Communicate more. Until Some time. I got Lost Of Words. Cuz She Was Chasing Her Anime. She Seldom talk anymore. So I Also Seldom talk to her Even If She Is Online.

Yo!!

Hell0!!

This Is my New BLOG!!

I Am Trying To work on this Blog.

Cuz its My First BLOG!!

I Hope By Doing This Blog Make U Understand Me Better!!

I Cant Post Much.

As I Dun Have Much Time N Dun Have A Com Now!!

But OCT.

I WILL Write BACK Wad Have Happened On July, August.

Althought Its Too Late But Its Still My Memories Ma.

So Must write Olso Ma.

Okay.

Write until here 4 now!

Need to Sleep liao!!