I Realised....

Now I Know That There Are No Such Thing As Love.
It Is completely Crap!!
What I See Is Only Money.
Money Is Love.
Money Is The Effort.
Money Is The Starting Of Relationship.
Money Solve Everything In Relationship.

I Hate The Word 'Love'.
Completely CRAP Coming From their mouth.
Is All About Money.
I Dun Used To BELIEVE It.
But I Now Will Believe It.
Completely AGREE About It.
How Much Money U have, Means how Much Love U Got From Them.

I hate To say.
But,
It Really SUCKS!

12 August 2008

Around 1 Week Later, She Send Me A Message.
Saying that She Felt Alone In This World,The Feelings Was Not The Same Anymore.
Even I am Not Her Who Anymore, But I am Still Worried About Her.
I Thought That This Is the Time To Understand Her Better. I asked Her What Happen to Her.
And She said She Cannot Say It Out. I really don't Know What Is She Thinking At All
I tell Her that She Is Not Alone. She Still Have Me by Her Side. No matter Wad Happen I will Not Leave Her. Unless I am Dead, Or Else there Is No way I will Be Leaving Her. I will Be There whenever She Need Someone To Talk To, Or need Someone To Accompany. (Until Now I still Doing It. Its true okay. I won't Break My Promise de.)

After That, I think Back. I told Her before. I can Used Up ALL my Free SMS, Or even My SMS Burst, I will Still Message Her. Because I don't Want Her to Feel Bored.

(Sometimes I wonder Is It True That Using Efforts And A True Heart Will Never ever Let Somebody Feel Touched?? Or I Did Not Do Enough?? Can Somebody Please Tell Me Am I Not Doing enough??)

I remembered I saw Her Blog Few Days Ago, She Assume That I Leave Her Will Feel Much More Happier And Have A Better Life.
NO!!! I Do Not Feel Happy At All LA!!
I Have Been Think Of Her Every Single Day. I controlled Myself Not To SMS Her,Because She Said She Is Happy with Her Life now. I do Not Wan Her To Struck In this Shit Problem I Having.
I don't want Her To Get Unhappy Because Of Me. So I only Read Her Blog Once In awhile. ( As I do Not Have Computer During August)
UntilI read Her Blog On this Day, I realised That She Bluff Me.
She Is Not Happy At All.
She Is Suffering. She Lied Because She Want Me To Have Better Life.
Why Does She Always Think Of others.
This Few Days I can't Even concentrate On the Things I have Been Doing, Like My Pratical. I have Been Thinking Of Her During My Pratical. (Because It got Something To Do with My Dream And Target.)

I Really Miss Her.
But....
There Is Nothing I can Do Anymore.

09 August 2008

Today I read Her Blog. I realised That She Was Sad, Disappointed And Depress. She don't Want To Believe Any Promises Again. She Wasn't Happy At All. But what Can I do?? What Can I do To make Her Feel Happy again??
I Really Want To make Her feel Happy again. I thought Leave Her can Make Her Happy So I did Not Contact Her At all. I really Don't know What Is Her Mind Thinking About. I try To understand Her, But She kept Too Much In Her.
I Really Do not Know Wad To Do.
I am Willing To Sacrifice My Happiness, To Change For Her Happiness.

04 August 2008

I called her Around 30 Times This Morning. She did Not Answered. I message Her, Still Did not Reply.
I keep doing this That Whole Morning. Around Afternoon, She Finally replied.
I Felt very Relieve,But It does not last long.


I ask Her: 'Why did not Reply me?? Do U know how worried Am I?? Did Something Happened to You??
can U tell Me What Happened??'
She replied:'No.. I cannot Tell U,Because U are Not Me. Sound Cruel.. I am Sorry But Some Things
cannot be said... I beg You... Stop loving Me..'
I told Her: 'You ask Me To stop Loving You. So I must Have the Rights To know Why Must I Stop
loving U.'
She replied:'Because I cannot Forget Him'
I replied: 'Just Because Of This. Just because Of This you don't want to Reply Me, Don't answer
my call. Just Because of This You Want Me to Stop Loving You??'
She replied:'Then what?? Then what Can I do to stop U from Loving Me!? I said Before! Those That
are my Boyfriend Will Not Have Happiness!'

My Heart Was COMPLETELY BROKEN!!
Truly Torn Into Pieces. It Will Not Be mend Easily Again.
After All, She Is someone I decided to Give It A Last Shot. But It Still Broke After All.
I really Put In a lot of Effort In Her.She Is the One I Put in the Most Effort de.
But All The Effort, Gone.

I ask Her:'Then Why do You boost My confidence,On waiting for You?'
She said: 'Because I think, I think I am Not Worth the Wait.'
I ask Her:'Did I not done enough?? Does I deserve This??'
She said: 'No. Its My fault.'

I Hate This Sentence. It Hurts GOD DAMN Badly.
Why do Every Girls Say The Same Sentence??
This Sentence, Its The Best Excuse For Them.

I try To turn Back The Situation,But It Wont Work.
She Said That She Is Happy Waiting For Him.
Since She Is Happy With Her Life. No Point Forcing Her To get Struck with Someone Like Me.
After All Not My First Time Liao Ma. Haas.
Since She Is Someone I loved, I must Let her go As Long As She Is Happy With What She Wanted.
Every Promise I made, Cannot Be Kept Anymore.

Although It Is FUCKING Hurt, But It Is Better To hurt Only Myself Than Pulling others to suffer My Pain.
I got To let Her Go.
Don't Struck This Problem With Me. Anyway I think Only I Suffering From This Kind Of Heartache.
I think This Is The Best Way For Her Ba.

3 August 2008

Where have You Gone? I Called Her, I Messaged Her.
But She did not Reply me At all.
I am God Damn worried about Her. Cause She Said that She Was Sick.
I do not Believe In God. But I got To Pray Hard to God, as I cant do anything else. Hoping That She Safe. I Really do not want to Lose Her.
'Please Be Safe.' That is all I can do.(Feel So Useless)



AFTERNOON
I fall asleep. And I dream of Doing A lot Of things For Her.In the dream, I help Her In Entering Some sort Of Competition, Its A competition She wanted To enter In Her Life.
She was Very Touched.
Her Tears Fall.
I then tell her, I will Do anything For Her To make Her Happy.
She Smile.
(Although This Dream Is Kinda Of Stupid,But Is True Ma,So No Choice De)

This Is some sort Of Dream I will never feel Like waking up,But I cant sleep that Long ma.
I Called her Wanting To tell Her About the Dream I Had.
But She did Not Pick up. I called her A lot Of times. Until At Night I fall Asleep.
Hoping To Have Another Dream. :)

1 August 2008

She told Me That during Her Nap,She Dreamt that I Disappeared.
She Was Very Frightened That I Disappear.
So I promise Her That I will Never ever Disappear From Her.Will Never Leave Her.

27 July 2008

Today I Read Her Blog. Everytime She mentioned about 'Him', My Heart Hurts and Aches a lot.
It Hurts When She doesn't want to Give up On Him. It Aches When I See that She Is Sad In Her Blog. I done So much And put in a lot of Effort on Her,So Much, Compared to those I had Loved before.
I Really Love Her A Lot.